journeying to a more natural way of living

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the worst thing is never being held.
the being horny subsides, diminishes.
but waking from dreams in which i'm held
strong arms around me
a chest and shoulder to lean my face into
to a cold day
another cold day
years and years of cold days
even in the summer
that's the hardest part
the dreams leave me yearning
and yearning.
i feel like that part of my life is over
i'll never be held again
i'll never feel from the inside again
there is no one strong for me
i'm the strong one
i do the holding
and the yearning.

that's the worst thing.

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